


And Then There Was Pink

by leosnoww, zoeleigh



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - Flower Shop, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/F, First Kiss, First Meetings, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Panic Attacks, Rape, Rape Aftermath, Self-Harm, Soulmates, Soulmates - Seeing Color
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-04
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-09-28 05:18:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10073816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leosnoww/pseuds/leosnoww, https://archiveofourown.org/users/zoeleigh/pseuds/zoeleigh
Summary: Josh finds himself in Tyler's flower shop and Tyler finds himself seeing color.





	

**Author's Note:**

> If you are sensitive to anything tagged then please stay safe and do not read this or, at least, read with caution frens.

I had watched it happen to other people so many times. Their eyes get wide as they can finally see the full beauty of the world. My best friend, Jenna Black, has even told me about all the different hues she could see. Her favorite is the color yellow. She said it’s a happy color but there were others as well, just as beautiful. There's red which is a passionate color, filled with love and hate. There’s pink which is an exciting color, peppered with feelings of cute moments and hugs. There’s blue which can be both unexplainable happiness, like walking outside on a warm, sunny day, or unimaginable gloomy darkness. Jenna always tells me that I’ll find my someone, someday. Until then I’ll continue working with my flowers.

Every single day at the shop was exactly the same. I come in at six to irrigate the flowers, at eight-thirty I open the store, and at eight p.m., I close up shop and travel home. Every day all I do is stare at happy, color-seeing people picking out flowers for their loved ones. Occasionally there will be the “my mom doesn’t approve of my soul mate, let me buy her flowers to fix everything” person or the person who is buying flowers for the anniversary of their soulmates death, they both usually come in tears. But still, for me, there’s no change. Nothing but the same boring thing, every single day.

  
  


I hear the bell hanging on the door ring out to tell me that a potential new customer has walked in. I finish watering the Petunias before turning around to face the stranger. My eyes lock with his for just a second before everything starts morphing into something I’ve never seen. His hair is pink and he has dark brown, chocolate eyes that warm your body as you look in them. He rushes towards me and I feel my heartbeat quicken in my chest. I’m stuck there, frozen as he approaches me. For just a moment, I think he might not be real, this might not be real. But then, of course, he says something, “Hello, sir, can you tell me if there are any blue flowers here?”

My thoughts swarm around those words. What do they mean? Can he see color? Am I stuck with a soul mate who’s already in love with someone else? He must be joking. There is no way that my soulmate wouldn’t see color right now. I feel myself chuckle uncontrollably. “I’m sorry, what?” He raises one eyebrow and repeats the statement. My heart begins to sink into my stomach. “Oh, uh, yes sir, the most popular ones are the Morning Glories,” and now I know why. The blue is dancing through the ruffles of the petals, shining brilliantly all over the room. The light yellow beams of sunlight coming in from the windows move in perfect rhythm with the bright blue. Then there’s the green of the leaves that frame the blue with such wonder. The perfect harmony of the glowing colors leaves me dumbstruck, momentarily useless before I am able to pick up a bouquet of them. I feel his fingers brush against mine as he takes the tied bunch of glorious blue from me. The unknown man doesn’t say another word, instead, he heads to the register, maybe he’s feeling as dumbstruck as me, all of the newfound colors flooding his senses all at once. I follow him and start to ring his beautiful flowers up. We stand in silence except for the click of the cash register buttons. The man pulls out his wallet and pays for the flowers, the name ‘Joshua Dun’ etched into his black credit card, he signs with Josh instead. Josh then turns to walk out of the brown, wooden door, but, without thinking, I blurt out, “Why blue?” He turns back and faces me once more, a sad, small grin on his face,  “I don’t know, blue is a really pretty color and I wanted something beautiful in my life.” My heart nearly falls out of my chest and into his hands right then and there.

 

“Jenna, I can see colors,” I yell as soon as I fling her apartment door open. Her apartment is a light shade of brown, the same as a cup of coffee filled with creamer. She looks up from her phone, hops off of the dull red couch, and runs over to me. “Shut up, Tyler! No! No, you can’t,” She hesitates before whispering,”What colors are my eyes?” “Blue, bright blue, almost the same color as ageratums, but not quite. Yours are a little brighter,” I answer, looking into her wide eyes, a giant grin plastered upon my face. “Oh my goodness! How? Wait, I mean, who?” She grabs both of my hands and pulls me so close that I can see specks of soft green in her eyes, I never noticed there was any variation of the monochrome gray palette in her eyes before. “A man at the flower shop,” I say excitedly, followed by a shame-filled,“ his credit card said Josh Dun.” Jenna looks at me like I’ve just made a really big mistake, “What do you mean his credit card? Don’t you mean he told you that his name is Josh?” I see the sparkle in her eye begin to fade into sadness before I even tell her, “He, uh, he didn’t see colors…” My hands drop to my lap and I look down, “At least I don’t think he did. He, uh, he never looked like you did when you first saw Debby.” Jenna’s eyes drop even more, “Oh, honey.” She pulls me into a tight embrace and rubs my back. When Jenna finally pulls away, I feel tears prickling at the corner of my eyes. I push them back. “Are you sure?” Her voice is smooth and calming. I nod quickly, trying to shake away the tears, “Yeah, I think so. Maybe I’m just one of those people whose soul mates don’t ever love them back.” “No,” Jenna says gently, “No, no, no Ty. Don’t say that. I’m sure he’ll see color eventually if he doesn’t now.”

   I finally break down, despite Jenna’s calm words, and cry into her arms. Debby walks in through the apartment door and joins in the hug, she whispers soothing words into the small group hug. 

 

Josh comes again a week later, a sad, small smile still formed on his lips like it never left. As soon as his Hibiscus colored pink hair catches my eye, I have to hold back a smile completely opposite of Josh’s. I almost skip over to him from behind the counter, but I stay where I am and call out to him, “Hey, it’s you again.” His smile lightens a little and he walks over to where I am at the counter, “Hey, I’m looking for some more blue flowers, for a friend this time.” He looks into my eyes quickly before looking down and rubbing his neck. “A friend,” I repeat with a sly, nervous grin on my face. Maybe I’ll figure out more about him “Yeah, a friend. So flowers,” Josh says laughingly. “Oh, yeah, of course, my gloxinias just bloomed so I have a whole bunch of those if you want,” He nods to my question and I step out and guide him into the back where my younger flowers are. I sit down and arrange a new bouquet of the almost faded blue flowers. As I am putting some of the center arrangements when Josh sits next to where I’m standing. I feel a heat spread over my leg as his knee touches me. “How do you know how to do this,” Josh asks me, leaning in to examine the flowers closer. “I used to hang out in the gardens after school, so I guess I just kind of just picked it up, you know? It was much better than being bullied on the bus,” I say the last part as a comment to myself. He reaches out and touches my hand and I jolt looking at him. “Could you see colors back then?” He scoots closer to me so that the majority of the bottom half of our legs are touching. I feel my cheeks grow hot with a pink blush. “No, I, uh,” I put the finishing touches on the bouquet and stand up quickly, “I just started seeing colors recently actually.” He stands up and takes the bouquet from my arms, “You’re absolutely amazing… I mean with flowers and stuff.” He rubs his neck again while looking down. I lead him back to the cash register and ring him up, my face still burning a subtle reddish-pink from the blush. When the receipt prints out I jot my phone number on the back and hand it to him.  He starts to turn before quickly facing me again, “Do you like Mario Kart?”

  
  


The two of us sit beside each other on the black faux leather couch that Josh got from an old friend’s apartment when they had moved away, playing Mario Kart for about the tenth night in a row. After the first night hanging out where we played Mario Kart for a while then spent the rest of the night, and a good bit of the morning, talking about everything from our dreams in life to our deepest, darkest insecurities, the two of us have done nothing more than having insane Mario Kart tournaments and eat food. 

Both of us have all of our attention devoted to the color-covered screen, we’re on the last lap of the last race in the tournament and we’re almost neck to neck, I’m slightly ahead. Finally, I cross the finish line, winning the race and the tournament. I jump up, dropping the jet black pillow on my lap, and do a victory dance in Josh’s face. Once my dance is over, I sit back down facing Josh. 

“You wanna play another round, Josh? Or are you too scared to lose,” I say in a slightly flirtatious tone. “Actually, I think my hunger is what’s preventing me from playing and winning another round,” he says with a smirk.

“Yeah, whatever you say… loser. Although I will agree that I’m hungry, it just doesn’t keep me from winning,” and with that said, I grab the brown cardboard pizza box from the rich brown coffee table in front of us. We each grab a slice of the sausage-topped pizza from the warm pizza box. “Bone apple teeth,” I laugh jokingly and we toast our slices before taking a bite. It doesn’t take long before the box is almost empty and I’m contemplating calling for another box.

Suddenly Josh turns toward me and leans in till he is an inch away from my face, pizza on his breath.  "Truth or Dare?" Josh asks raising one of his chocolate eyebrows to suggest a challenge. "Truth," I whisper with a grin, my heart fluttering with anticipation. "Who do you love?" He wiggles his eyebrows and leans in until he’s centimeters from my face. My heart gets caught in my throat as I stumble over my thoughts. I could kiss his pink lips, I could lean in and close the gap between us. I could kiss him then tell him it’s him. But he's my best friend and I know I should lie, I should say something as far from the truth as possible, I should say Jenna or even Debby, just anyone but him. Yet, I cannot ignore the burning feeling in my chest anymore. It feels as overwhelming as when I first saw all the colors the world has to offer.  "I love you, Josh," I say breaking the steady eye contact that we had kept the entire time and instead stare at the empty space on the dark couch. It seems much more vast now.  He sits there in shock and I quickly bolt up as the silence becomes too much. He murmurs to himself, to me, "What? What do you mean you love me?" I take a step back from the couch and run my hands through my short, fluffed, brown hair. He looks up at me with desperate chocolate eyes and I begin to nervously pace back and forth. “Josh, the moment you first walked into my flower shop my entire world changed,” the words spill out of my mouth and I can’t stop them. They come out like water from a dam that’s just been released, “I love you, I’ve loved you since the moment I first saw you and I will love you until I die.”  I continue to pull at my hair, waiting for him to do something, say something. “Tyler...” He whispers looking up at me with tears glistening in his eyes. I pick up my jacket and run away slamming the door on my way out before he can say anything else.

The air outside is slightly chilly and the wind blows the tears off of my face. I knew it, I knew he doesn’t love me, I knew I should’ve lied. Why didn’t I just lie? I could still be sitting in there, joking about how I fell for a gay girl or something. I could be doing anything but this,  anything but running away from my best friend’s house trying desperately not to break down. My thoughts continue to race uncontrollably. I just need to get home. I need to get home and sob into my pillow while resisting every urge to jump out the window of my apartment. I should call Jenna but the rational part of my brain loses, just like it always does.

  
  


Instead of going home, I find myself walking into a bar that I am all too familiar with. All the nights where I couldn’t bear to sit alone in my room with my thoughts led me here. I sit on a green stool across from the bartender and tap my index finger on the gold bar top. The bartender, James, who is often here at the same hours as I call out, “The usual Tyler?” I nod and wait for him to give me my drinks. He sends me a round of my favorite lemon-lime vodka and I down the yellow liquor before the taste registers on my tongue. My chest burns as the drink follows the path to my stomach. More drinks follow the first, and it doesn’t take long before James is taking my keys from me. 

Out of the corner of my eye, I see someone sit next to me. I turn toward the person after nodding for yet another round. It’s a man with a smooth, olive complexion and a stubbly chin of dark brown hair to match his head. The man turns to me and says something along the lines of “Next round’s on me.” He slides me a drink, “Here you go darlin’,” I nod and down it. Whatever it is, it’s much stronger than the drinks I normally order. My thoughts immediately become even more scattered and inconclusive. The guy continues to provide me with drinks and attention, his hand starting to ease up my leg. All I know is that something doesn’t feel right, this doesn’t feel right. But I stay seated, I keep letting this man, whoever he is, slide his hand all over me. More drinks come and more of our bodies are found pressed together. 

Almost an hour after the man sat down beside me, he turns to the TV in the corner and latches onto the elastic of my gray heathered leggings. He slowly inches his way down and palms me over top my pants. Quickly, I push him away and try to get James’ attention to pay for my drinks. I hurriedly pay and begin walking towards the side exit where it’s easiest to hail a cab from.

  
  


I stumble out the door of the bar, but instead of standing on the street corner for a cab, I walk down to the back alley behind the bar. Everything around me is swaying and I feel my head spinning. As I walk I hear an extra set of footsteps echoing around me, gradually getting louder. I go to sit down, not quite caring, but trip on my shoelaces and fall face first onto the unforgiving sidewalk. “Fuck,” I mumble attempting to get up. As I wobbly push up and raise my head, something pushes it back down grinding it against the pavement. I feel hands start to pull down my leggings and I attempt to squirm away. “Stay still, you bitch,” the man from the bar growls into my ear. “Please, let me go.” I choke out through a wave of tears. I’m ignored and he forces my leggings off, grabbing the back of my hair too. I let out a scream as he forces himself on me. “Shut the fuck up or I’ll gag you, you slut,” I whimper partially in response and partially in pain from the pieces of rock forced into my skin, as tears run down my pale face. Suddenly, he roughly turns me over, so that I am on my back and looking into his black eyes. He starts his torture again forcing me to look at him and I begin to vomit down my chest as he continues. “That’s it bitch,” he shoves a handful of red fabric into my mouth, “do anything else I don’t like and you might not wake up.” I nod and try to lay my head to the side but he grabs my throat pinning me down. His hand squeezes my throat, cutting off my oxygen supply.

After a few seconds, he lets go and continues his work on my lower half. The man’s calloused hands find themselves pushing down my boxers then running up and down my length with slight pressure. I can’t help but buck into him when he locates a more sensitive spot of mine. “Ah, so the fucking slut wants this. I bet you want it because you’re useless and a such a dirty, dirty whore,” a dark laugh follows. I don’t dare react, apart from the tears uncontrollably streaming out of my eyes. Next thing I realize, the man is forcing three fingers inside of me. I scream into the ball of fabric, his fingers are rough and painful. He pauses for a second and then slaps me hard across the face, “Scream again and it’ll be much worse.” I nod once more and lie there, as stiff and silent as I can with a man trying to work his whole fist into me. 

I hear another pair of footsteps running toward us as he continues thrusting his hand. “Hey, what are you doing?” An oddly familiar voice says. The strange man doesn’t move at first. He stays on top of me, his hand still inside of me. “Dude! Get up,” the unknown voice says, getting closer. The man gets off of me before turning around to face the person confronting him while accidently revealing me. “Tyler,” the familiar voice calls out, stepping closer to me. My eyes finally focus and I see the man’s faded pink hair and dark brown eyes. I try to call out to Josh but the blood red gag is still in my mouth and I’m paralyzed in fear of what the man would do to me if I moved.

I see Josh running up to the man and quickly shoving him away from me. The man loses his balance a little but quickly regains it, pushing Josh back then kicking me. My body curls around his foot with each kick to my stomach, legs, face. My eyes are closed but I hear Josh yelling and I feel him trying to push this man away. The man’s foot leaves my body once more and I flinch expecting the next wave of pain to hit but instead, I hear someone running away. When the next kick doesn’t come, I assume Josh scared the guy off. My assumption is proved right when a few seconds later, a soft hand is sitting me up. I tense up and open my eyes. Involuntarily, I push Josh away.

“Ty, it’s me, it’s Josh. Can I touch you?” I nod, hesitantly, and I feel him pull the balled up fabric from my mouth and lift me up so that I’m standing. Immediately, my head spins and I vomit a concoction of liquor and blood onto his jacket. It’s almost as if Josh doesn’t notice the vomit because he pulls my boxers and leggings up without a second look at the vomit all over his front side. I vomit again and Josh helps me sit back down. Every time he touches my skin a cold shiver runs down my back and a new wave of tears threaten to spill over. I feel like I’m on the verge of a panic attack, something I haven’t experienced since high school. Josh tries to sooth me, whispering calming and reassuring words and rubbing my arm, but still, each touch sends red flags up everywhere. I shove him and scramble away in tears. Josh’s eyes flash hurt for a second, but fade into caring, “Tyler, sweetie, I promise I’m never going to hurt you.” My brain doesn’t know what to think, the rational part knows Josh is telling the truth, but the other half of me demands my legs to carry me as far away from everyone as possible. We sit there for another few minutes.  “I’m so sorry Josh.” I sob into his shoulder as he carries me back into the bar.

“Where are his keys, James?” Josh says as I carefully rest my head against his chest. He slides my keys across the bar and Josh quickly puts them in his back pocket. “Hey, is he okay? He looks out of it,” James asks, concern filling his voice. Josh shakes his head no, “Someone took advantage of him. I think they might have drugged him.” “Shit...call me with a description later tonight and I will make sure that bastard gets what he deserves,” James says. Josh solemnly nods and we head to the parking lot across the street from the bar where I parked, completely sober only a couple hours ago. Josh has me looped around him, his arm the only thing keeping me upright. Once we find my car, he lays me down on my side in the backseat then climbs into the front seat, “If you need something just say anything and I’ll stop okay?” I barely manage a nod and we’re on our way.

As we drive, probably way too fast for the speed limit, Josh looks back over his shoulder every couple of seconds to check on me. I flutter in and out of blackness, my eyes too heavy to keep open. “Tyler, I need you to stay awake, okay? Keep your eyes open,” Josh says at a traffic light a few minutes from my apartment. I nod yet again and Josh takes off with the blinding neon green light.

Josh brings the car to a stop in front of the complex and opens the back door, “Can you walk or do you need me to carry you again?” His eyes are full of concern. I shake my head, “I wanna try to walk,” and he takes a step back. As I attempt to sit up in the seat, my head spins and I fall into his ready arms. “I’m so sorry… I-I’m sorry,” I whisper into his purple coat collar. I feel tears threatening to spill over again. He picks me up once more, this time more bridal style, and I lay my head against his shoulder and let tears fall onto his shirt. Josh shuts the car door with his hip and begins the short journey up the stairs to my door. Somehow, Josh manages to open my door without dropping me. As soon as we get in, he lays me down on the brown couch, “Will you be okay here for a second?” Josh asks and I nod, curling up into a ball as he walks away. I hear the water run in the bathroom just a minute later and Josh rustling around in cabinets before coming back to me. Josh sits on the floor in front of me a for a second, petting my head before helping me stand up. I get up with his arm under me and we walk to the bathroom. I fall on my knees almost immediately and vomit into the toilet, there’s more blood and more alcohol. 

He helps me up again and then turns around to leave, “Josh… could you help me?” He stops in his tracks and spins around. “Uh, yeah sure Ty,” there seems to be a bit of hesitancy in his voice that I can pick up on even in my drunken, drugged state. I sit on the toilet and he helps me take my clothes off. As his fingers lightly drag against my skin, my heart starts to speed up and my breath comes in short bursts. Josh quickly retracts his hands as I double over and sink to the floor. All the tears I’ve been trying to hold back come raining down as I rock back and forth. “Tyler shit Tyler, I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. Is there anything I can do,” Josh shifts back giving me space. I try to respond but every bad thought from the past hour and every memory from high school comes flooding back. The tears just come out faster. I try to take a deep breath, try to do anything to stop this. But instead of calming down, I feel as if I’m choking on the air entering my mouth. I shake ever harder. Josh sits there across from me, “Tyler, can I touch you?” I bring my head up from between my knees, “I, uh, I- shiiit, um-” “Ty, it’s okay, Ty. Try and breath. Can you do that for me? Just take a nice big breath in, you can try to match your breathing to mine,” Josh offers his hands to me, I shakily take them. I feel Josh’s arms move up and down with his body. “Okay, let’s take a breath together Tyler. On my count, 1, 2, 3,” I do my best to get as much air as possible in my lungs without feeling like I’m choking again. “Now breathe out, 1, 2, 3,” and the air leaves me body. We breathe in sync a few more times before the tears start to calm down and my whole body isn’t shaking quite so much.

He helps me stand up again and get situated in the bathtub. As he is starting to turn to leave for the second time, I start to slip down into the water.  He quickly pulls me back up. “Would you be comfortable with me helping you,” Josh looks me in the eyes as he speaks and I nod. He takes off his shirt and pants, underwear still on, before getting in the tub with me. He shifts me forward and sits behind me. I rest my head against his chest and bask in his warmth as he lathers my hair and then rinses the shampoo out. Josh grabs a soft yellow washcloth and gently runs it over my chest wiping the dried up bloody vomit off. When he reaches my lower stomach I flinch away from him. “I’m sorry Ty. I should have known better,” He says handing me the cloth so I can wipe myself off the rest of the way. I nod absentmindedly and take the cloth from him. Josh sits there still, holding me up. When I finish he drains the water and gets out, wrapping himself in a towel then getting one out for me. He helps me out of the tub and wraps me up in it while supporting me in a hug. “Let’s get you to bed,” Josh suggests and I nod. With his arms keeping me up, we hobble out of the bathroom and into my bedroom, one door over. “Can you grab me a big t-shirt and some underwear,” I ask him as I sit down on the edge of my bed. “Yeah, of course,” he rummages through my drawers until he finds some clean boxers and a baggy, pink t-shirt. Josh walks back over to me,“Are you okay with me helping you into them, Tyler?” I nod, feeling confident Josh would never do anything to me. He helps me into them and pulls the comforter on my bed down, allowing me to crawl in. After I’m settled in Josh starts to leave once more, “I’m gonna go into the living room okay? I’ll come check on you every few minutes.” Quickly, I shake my head, “Stay. Please,” I croak out. Josh takes a moment before responding, but then walks back over to me and climbing into bed beside me. Somehow, I manage to overpower the irrational part of my brain and I sink into Josh’s welcoming arms. When I finally fall asleep Josh kisses my forehead and goes to lay down on my floor. 

I wake up to see that Josh isn’t beside me, he isn’t even in the same room as me. I get up to check and see if maybe he’s in the bathroom or kitchen, but when I open my door, it leads to the alley that I was attacked in earlier. Suddenly, I hear a dozen pairs of footsteps following me. I begin to run in a vain attempt to escape all the people chasing me. I can’t run fast, though, and soon enough I am back on the gravel being choked and tortured but this time Josh doesn’t save me. All these gray men are pushing me down, raking their pitch black fingers all over my body, sticking them in every orifice. I try to scream out, but what seems like a million blue hands, are all keeping me silent. I can’t do anything but lay there and let them do whatever they want. Then I find myself all alone. Still, the oxygen escapes my lungs and my vision turns red. If only I could scream, the sound would be horrid. I thrash around in the dark of the alley, all alone when, out of the blue, I feel someone shaking me gently. I still can’t see anyone but then my eyes open and I can hear myself screaming Josh’s name. “Hey, I’m here. Tyler, look at me. Tyler, please,” Josh coos. I look at him with tears streaming down my swollen face and see that he is crying too. He crawls in bed with me again and holds me as I sob. “Tyler, I am never leaving you,” He whispers into my hair. His words do nothing to calm my tears, though, sobs still rack my tired, sore body. Eventually, my eyelids grow heavy and I fall asleep listening to Josh’s steady heartbeat. 

I wake up to a pounding headache and the smell of bacon and pancakes. Drowsily, I sit up in bed, pushing the covers off. I stumble into the kitchen where the smell is coming from and see Josh’s faded pink hair sticking up as he flips a pancake. “It smells good,” I announce quietly as I sit down at the breakfast bar. Josh turns around, startled, but after seeing me a huge, hesitant smile creeps onto his face. “I, uh, didn’t know if you were feeling any better but breakfast always helps me in the morning so yeah… how are you feeling,” he asks putting a pancake and some bacon on a plate in front of me. “I’m better, thanks to you. I really appreciate everything you did for me,” I say taking a bite out of the pancake. He fixes his own plate two pancakes and a couple pieces of bacon and then sits down beside me. “Holy crap, these are really good! I didn’t know you could cook,” I exclaim devouring the rest of my food. He chuckles watching me eat, “I work at a small cafe near your shop,” he eats his food then puts our plates aside, “I even saw you a few times actually, I guess it was when you would take a lunch break or something.” Josh laughs, almost like he doesn’t realize what he’s just admitted, almost. For a second my heart stops, all that time I could’ve spent with my soul mate. 

“I mean it, Josh, I may not be here if it weren’t for you… I wish there was someway that I could show how much it meant to me, you doing that and saving me,” I say looking down at my almost empty plate. I see Josh begin to blush red as I look up again. He takes my hand and I feel his warmth spread throughout my arm and throughout my whole body. Josh looks me dead in the eye, “Can I come a little closer to you, Ty?” I nod and he stands up moving until he is centimeters away from me. His hand brushes my jaw and I lean into him. “Is this okay,” he asks, gently leaning my face up. “Yes,” I whisper, my mind is hyperfocused on every single movement Josh makes. I don’t realize what is happening until it is, he hovers a hand over the small of my back and leans in until our lips are grazing. When he kisses me I feel my body heat up. My eyes close and I feel us melding together into a singular person. With every movement, we become less of two people and more of one. Slowly, Josh pulls away and my eyes flutter open at the same time as his. But then, without warning, he drops his hands from my body and steps back, beginning to cry. “Shit! I- uh, I got to go. I am so sorry Ty. So, so sorry. This was a mistake- I shouldn’t have, uh, fuck,” He says before running out the door. I’m left sitting at the marble island with a mess to clean up, both emotionally and physically.

  
  


I text Josh for the 20th time since he kissed me, I’ve called just as much. It’s been two days, two days and he hasn’t even read them. I open my door to head to his house when all the color starts to fade. I fall down and my head begins to pound in pain. Every muscle in my body is screaming in agony and the whole world is spinning. I pull my phone out of my hoodie pocket and call Jenna. Within ten minutes she is there and cradling me in her thin arms. I can’t cry, I can’t do anything. “He’s gone Jenna, he’s gone,” I yell hysterically, “Josh is gone and life is stupid and-” Jenna cuts me off with soothing words, calming me down enough to move me back to my bedroom. About an hour later I fall into a fitful sleep, it’s filled with nightmares of things Jenna doesn’t even know about. She must have left because an hour or so later, an unknown number calls me and I reluctantly answer. “Hello?” I whisper, my voice is hoarse from crying. “Is this Tyler Joseph? I am Jordan, J’s brother,” The caller states. I nod before remembering he couldn’t see me. “Yeah,” I cry into the phone. I hear Jordan take a deep shaky breath, “Josh is-” “Dead, yeah I know… How did it happen,” I interrupt him. I just want this conversation over so I can forget all of this. “He was driving to your house to tell you that he loved you too and that he’d seen colors since the first time he saw you when you first came to his restaurant. But on his way he was hit by a drunk driver,” Jordan said, tearily. My mind went numb and I hung up before he could say anything else. 

I love you? How could he possibly love me? He didn’t- No. My mind begins to go 1,000 mph and I feel even more hot tears escape my eyes. “I can’t be here… I, uh, I got to go.” I announce to absolutely no one. I walk out of my apartment, leaving my phone inside, and head to my shop. At the sight of all the flowers, which used to be lovely shades of blue and red and pink and yellow and-, I feel a sudden rush of anger. I tear flower after flower out of their pots by their roots, absolutely destroying my entire store. I throw pots and tools and anything else I see all over the room. Finally, I sit down in the middle of a huge pile of soil absolutely exhausted and curse whatever god allowed this to happen. None of this was supposed to happen, I was supposed to meet my soulmate and spend the rest of my life with them. I scratch at my wrist with nails, shovels, shears, and whatever else I can grab until Debby finds me the next day, sitting in the same spot. “Tyler? What happened to your store,” She looks around all the broken pots and destroyed flowers, then she sees my bloody wrist, “Oh my god… Ty, you’re bleeding,” She crouches down and grabs my injured hand and wrist until I hit her. “Leave me alone,” I snarl at her, tears threatening to spill over again. “Honey, we have to get you to a hospital, you're hurting yourself again,” she says. “I’m fine,” I cry, I see her shake her head in pity. “No you’re not, love, we need to get you out of-” I cut her off, “I fucking deserve it! He died because of me! Just go away,” I scream at her, “Leave me alone, please,” my voice cracks with the last words.

Two weeks later it was Josh’s funeral. Jordan had come to check up on me multiple times,  and so did his parents. They said they wanted me to attend because it’s what Josh would have wanted, but they don’t actually know. No one does. Jenna checked on me once every day, sometimes even two or three times, and she tried to make me eat or shower or even just move. Nothing worked, there wasn’t a point to any of it. 

I see him walking through the apartment sometimes, a ghost trapped in my mind. He sits next to me, the wind whispers into my ear. He finds himself in the shower across from me if I dared move that day. I almost think I hear the ghost tell me, “Tyler, please take care of yourself. Show your loved ones that you love them and don’t be afraid to live without me.” But I know it’s not him, I know it’s not anyone. It’s simply my mind trying to break me even more and for the first time in days, I feel myself begin to cry. He’s there, he’s always there. “I love you so much. Why can’t I be with you again,” My lip quivers as I shout at the figment of my mind to leave. I wish I could feel his arms around me again. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this... Leo and I worked really hard and any feedback is greatly appreciated (we need validation).


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